EUROVISION 2017 KIEV
All the stars burst out from the exploding backdrop…
and have to walk the walk through the crowds.
No time for nerves…
Must have been hell for Salvador.
But if you decide to enter Eurovision…
1. ISRAEL. IMRI. I Feel Alive
Disco/Pop
A wink. Flames. Black singlet. Oh wow. Now 2 backup singer/dancers in white pyjamas. He’s alive. Serious bit of pop that has everything in place. But is it authentic?
2. POLAND. Kasia Mos. Flashlight
Very dramatic. Blonde in white evening gown + violinist. But I don’t believe her. What are you actually singing about? Fire – desire – higher…nice rhymes
3. BELARUS. Naviband. Story of My Life.
Trad folk/pop fusion
Love this song. Couple in white and all is spring/beautiful/good/pure/ hey! hey! hey!
Fabulous singing, dancing and exuberance!
4. AUSTRIA. Nathan Trent. Running on Air.
Pop
Man in white standing on a silver crescent moon. Blue and pink cloud backdrop. Catchy.
5. ARMENIA. Artsvik. Fly with me.
Indie
Love it. 3 funky female singers in black. Don’t know what it’s about…
6. NETHERLANDS. O’G3NE. Lights and Shadows.
Ballad
3 chicks in shimmery midnight blue – sisters – and they can sing a very affirmative song.
7. MOLDOVA. Sunstroke Project. Hey Mama!
Funk.
Black and white. Saxophone guy having a second chance. 2 back up female singers in black and white with bouquets. Liked you better first time, Epic Sax guy.
8. HUNGARY. Joci Pápai. Origo.
Trad/pop fusion
Very sincere. Cool braided gold jacket. 1 male singer who can play a drum with peasant female who can sing and dance and look bored. Lots of flames. But they stop in an instant. Rap? Smiling violinist? Dancer is now very distressed. She’s twirling. He’s unapproachable. Violinist is still smiling…
9. ITALY. Franceso Gabbani. Occidentali’s Karma.
Modern
Brilliant! A man and a gorilla. Funny, clever, he can sing, great song, great staging, great performance. Namaste!
10. DENMARK. Anja. Where am I
Ballad
Dunno. Female singer with long blonde hair in tight red dress doesn’t cut it any more. Unless the song is extraordinary.
NO VERKAS for Denmark this year.
11. PORTUGAL. Salvador Sobral. Amar pelos dois.
Ballad
Can’t stand this. Can’t watch him. Good bye.
NO VERKAS.
10. AZERBAIJAN. Dihaj. Skeletons.
Indie pop.
A blackboard full of words: sensation fantasy ready alchemy. A man in suit with a horse head on top of a ladder. He can dance. She draws an arc with chalk. She goes up ladder to horseman and touches his hand. The blackboards are dismantled. Horse man takes off his horse head. Drum drum drum. She takes off her shiny jacket. Makes no sense but I love it.
13. CROATIA. Jacques Houdek. My Friend.
Ballad
Cheesy. A duet with himself! Hasn’t been done before! I like it! ‘Do your best take a chance’. Yeah. High voice Jacques and operatic tenor Jacques. Violins make it a bit Queen dramatic (Freddie Mercury not HRH). Half a silver glove. Silver shoes. A vision of sunflowers. Audience not sure about this one. Finishes with rainbows.
14. AUSTRALIA. Isaiah. Don’t Come Easy.
Boy ballad.
Cool grey overcoat. Blue background. Backdrop of ISAIAH. Blue and pink ISAIAH. ISAIAH ISAIAH ISAIAH. That’s a bit much. Is he walking along a treadmill? Looks totally ISAIAH-centric which I’m sure he isn’t. Not your fault, Isaiah.
But you cannot vote for your own country…
15. GREECE. Demy. This is Love
Pop
Chick in pink evening gown singing pop. With 2 semi-naked man splashing around in a fountain. ‘I will never let you down. For ever and ever and ever and ever. This is love.’ Are these mundane lyrics? See naked lady floating up on the video screen.
No VERKAS for you.
16. SPAIN. Manel Navarro. Do it for your lover
Weird reggae
Spanish dudes in Hawaiian shirts with guitars and backdrop of rockin’ combi van and palm trees and surfboards and sunsets. He winks 1 2 3 times. A brave performance…
NO VERKAS for Spain.
17. NORWAY. JOWST. Grab the Moment.
Techno pop
Dude on synth in mask. Lead singer in Sound of Music-type Tyrolean hat. High tech graphics. Dude in mask plays bass drum too!
18. UNITED KINGDOM. Lucie Jones. Never give up on you.
Ballad.
Female in golden gown. Female Conchita or is that really rude? Golden backdrop. Blah, blah, blah.
NO VERKAS for the UK, as usual.
19. CYPRUS. Hovig. Gravity.
Contemporary
Great performance. Great song. Compelling. 3 dudes in black. He lies down! He sits up! The two dancers join him! All in black and white. Love it.
MANS GIVES A HUMOROUS INTERLUDE and it’s BRILLIANT!:
20. ROMANIA. Ilica featuring Alex Floria. Yodel It!
Rap/pop/yodel
Love it. Fair ground backdrop. Pop fun graphics. Rap. Then yodelling from female singer in red. She is good! Goes to another level. They can both sing. Just shout it, baby!
21. GERMANY. Levina. Perfect Life.
Pop
She is lying on the floor! She gets up! Very silver and grey costume and set. She is smiling a lot. Not sure why. She has bare feet. Trying to find something to comment on.
NO VERKAS, Germany. I guess you’re used to that by now.
22. UKRAINE. O. Torvald. Time.
Techno Rock if that’s a category
All over the place. A laser-beamed giant head on stage. This band seems like they’ve never played together before. Or the lead singer is new. The laser-beamed face is angry.
NO VERKAS, Ukraine.
Sick of blue backgrounds. Just a passing comment.
23. BELGIUM. Blanche. City Lights.
Indie pop
From the first moment, this is a winner. Midnight blue. Female singer. Taut tight tense. She just has to raise her arms and the crowd goes wild. Love it. Audience goes crazy.
24. SWEDEN. Robin Bengtsson. I Can’t go on.
Pop
Hey, is it Thor? Cool entrance from backstage to stage. Nice. Purple and pink and blue. Not sure about colour scheme. Fatuous lyrics but you can’t help but love it! 4 back up singers in grey. Are they hamming it up? Love it!
25. BULGARIA. Kristian Kostov. Beautiful Mess.
Techno ballad
One single emotional male in black and white and very good at what he does. Gorgeous. Emotional. Dramatic. Sticks to black white grey in visuals. Go with him.
26. FRANCE. Alma. Requiem.
Ballad/pop
Requiem? So it’s sad? Why is she smiling? Image of Eiffel Tower. What is this about? What should I be feeling? Coloured lights spinning around her on stage.
NO VERKAS for France this year.
And then VERKA SERDUCHKA opens the voting….with her mum. With the memorable words: ‘Europe, start vote now.’
Official results:
PORTUGAL
MOLDOVA
BULGARIA
My Top Three:
BELARUS
BELGIUM
ROMANIA
BELARUS. NAVIBAND. HISTORYJA MAJHO ŽYCCIA.
Full of life, genuine, and who doesn’t like a good ‘Hey! Hey!
Hay-yay-yay-a-ho!’ Живє Беларусь!
BELGIUM. BLANCHE. CITY LIGHTS.
Compelling.
ROMANIA. YODEL IT! ILINCA FEAT. ALEX FLOREA.
Yodeleeii! Yodeleeii, yodeleeii, yodeleioo! Like Belarus, fun, spirited & so damn catchy.
THE END
