GREAT MYSTERIES OF EUROVISION
Do you know? Were you there? Can you explain? As Moldova sang in 2011: ‘There is a my-ster-y…’. Although they were singing about something else. But this is Eurovision. You can sing about anything. As long as it’s love, not enough love, too much love, world peace or werewolves. Here are some of the great mysteries of Eurovision:

EUROVISION 2019 INTERVAL ACT
Madonna. Enough said.

EUROVISION 2019 
An outrage that Italy didn’t win. Long live Priscilla the Gorilla.

EUROVISION 2015
If we ‘say goodbye to yesterday’ and don’t want tomorrow because ‘tonight’s so good’, what happens to today?

Goodbye to…

…yesterday

AZERBAIJAN 2011 ELL and NIKKI
‘I’m running upstairs tonight….’
Why exactly?

GERMANY 2012 ROMAN LOB
Speaking of which…try this at home, kids. Sing along with Ell and Nikki: ‘I’m running, I’m scared tonight/I’m running, I’m scared of life/I’m running, I’m scared of breathing…’ Now sing along with Roman: ‘I’m standing still/I’m standing still/as you leave me now…’ Notice anything?

GREECE 2010

8th? 8th? You’ve got to be kidding. Why didn’t they win?

MACEDONIA 2015
Man in trench coat, 3 funky bad dudes and ancient ruins. Throw in some autumn leaves and you have – ?

MOLDOVA
How can they be so consistently fabulous and creative? Of course being fabulous and creative (and occasionally wacky) doesn’t guarantee a thing.

SEBALTER SWITZERLAND 2014
All about whistling. How does one whistle with confidence in front of 200 million people?

FREDDIE HUNGARY 2017

Same question. How do 3 back up singers whistle  with confidence in front of 200 million people? AND they stamped their feet. Genius co-ordination.

THE OLSEN BROTHERS 2000
Anyone?

BELARUS 2009 PETR ELFIMOV
How could this demi-god not make it through to the final? Europe, what is wrong with you? What was wrong with you?  Think back to Moscow, 12 May 2009…what happened that night??

NORWAY 2002 HALDOR LÆGREID
A power ballad and what a voice. That high note. The length. The vocal control. Why did he score so unimpressively? Guess it’s not cheery enough. Let them laugh, Haldor. You were outstanding.

ANDORRA ANYTIME
Where did you go? I want you back. You absolutely nail classic pop.

ICELAND 2013
Who creates the backdrops for Iceland? From Yohanna through to Pollapönk? Eyþór Ingi’s Ég á líf was heartwrenchingly beautiful. Creative genius. Works of art. Thank you. Takk.

Hello Europe!

Or as Erez kept saying: Good night Europe!

So glad to see that the Australian entry finally realised that the big dress has been done to death.

See, kiddies, this is why it’s good to know a bit of history. You can see what’s been done before and if it’s good you can do it too and if it’s not you can do something different.  Hopefully better.

Good to see Kate and friends wafting around on black sticks across the universe instead of being super-glued to a giant termite mound.

A creative song and a creative staging which is more than a lot of ’em this year.

Yikes again.

Let’s have some fun!

Warning: This is a silly quiz. A funny quiz. A tongue-firmly-planted-in-cheek kind of quiz. You will NOT be asked whether Czech Republic appeared in Semi-Final 2 in 2011. Or who came fourth in 1963. You will be asked much more fun questions like:Peoples, this is hi-tech Euro-quizzing. There are 20 questions…in a WORD document…some with illustrations in full colour!

So go ahead! Get in the spirit of the ESC!

For Eurovision silly quiz click on Petr 

Well meaning advice: Print it out and blu tack it to the walls at your next Eurovision party. Get your friends to do their best. I recommend handing out prizes.  IKEA is good. I have absolutely no affiliation with them but, well, they’re Swedish. And cost-effective. And you can get candles and cushions and boxes and mirrors and stuff that everyone can use. Well, except at one of our parties a few years ago when a quiz winner I shall call ‘Kevin’ won an IKEA watering can I shall call ‘Blumt’ but lived in an apartment I shall call ‘plant free’. Oh well.

Oh, for answers click on Verka (or ‘Verk’ as I call her…actually I just made that up)

Good luck!

Here begins a list of Eurovision songs that are outstanding in their songwriting. Well, in my opinion. I’m just listening to Eurovision 2005 right now so 2005 it is…

THE WAR IS NOT OVER. LATVIA 2005.

I love this song. It was written by Mārtiņš Freimanis who features in F.L.Y. with the wacky Hello from Mars, Latvia’s fourth appearance in Eurovision. Hello from Mars is also a wonderful song but for very different reasons.

Sadly, Freimanis died in 2011 in his early 30’s.

THE WAR IS NOT OVER is a stunning piece of songwriting. As well as the the beautiful harmonies, the first verse is a masterpiece. Just read the words and be devastated at how it captures the human condition. Wow:

I slowly walk into the night around
To see how dreams of people die
They gently fall from windows all around
And crash against the ground like glass…

I am SO glad that apparently the chorus was tweaked slightly from:

‘That someone is loser, that someone is winner’
to
‘That someone’s the loser, someone’s the winner’

Is this true, Mr Wikipedia? I really appreciate that shift. Being a native English speaker, that correct grammar makes SUCH a difference. (I will return to this concept of good grammar with poor old Sanna Nielsen whose dazzling performance was in contrast to the, er, lyrics she had to sing. Ho hum.)

But back to Latvia. Having absolutely no Latvian background, I did a bit of research on dear old songwriter Mārtiņš. I found a live version of him singing: Pie Dieviņa gari galdi which was pretty damn tuneful.

But please, can someone – anyone – out there tell me what this song is about???

Google translate suggests the title is: To adore long tables.

Possibly not.

Coming Up Next…

Aisha. Latvia. 2010.

And no, this is not supposed to be Latvia only, it’s just happened that way.

Can’t believe the results.

Can’t believe the Australian jury gave 12 points to the UK. Who are you people??!! I have never felt more ashamed in my life. Never, ever, ever, no exaggeration.

Can’t believe Belarus didn’t do better.

Can believe Cyprus voted for Greece.

SEMI-FINAL 1 2017

THE YEAR OF THE (MOSTLY) MODEST LONG DRESSES
or
THE YEAR OF THE POINTY SHOES
or
THE YEAR OF PLAITS

But mainly the year of: Why? Why? Why the bright blue skirt? Why the horse’s head? Why the wedding dresses? Why is Eurovision eating itself?

My vote:

1. BELGIUM. BLANCHE. CITY LIGHTS.
   All alone in the danger zone. Compelling.
   
2. GEORGIA. TAMARA GACHECHILADZE. KEEP THE FAITH. Catchy.
   ENCOURAGEMENT AWARD
   A big hello to all the lyricists out there in Eurovision Land who excelled themselves in this semi: ‘so freaking beautiful’, ‘give me your body, let’s write a story’, and my personal favourite: ‘You make me feel like paper’.

I’ll say it again. It’s a bad decision for Australia to be in Eurovision 2016. It’s not our Song Contest. Europe welcomed us as a wild card entry last year. It was the 60th anniversary of Eurovision, that’s why. And it was in Copenhagen, goodness me. Home of Princess Mary and hubby. This year is different. It’s so sad. Julia and Sam no longer have that wild & free access to dressing rooms and gossip and the fun and the buzz because SBS has changed the whole relationship as of 2015. Not sure why.